I CAN MOONWALK!
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
