I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
