Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
