spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
