she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
