You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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