Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
