My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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