i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
