capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I just gift wrapped bread.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
