do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
