i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
