theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
