i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize
