i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize