I accidentally had phone sex last night
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
