I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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