oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
