who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
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