I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
