dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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