I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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