You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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