i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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