So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
