Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
