Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
