im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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