just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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