Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
