oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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