My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
