So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
