Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
