YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I'm always down for nudity.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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