Betty ford says i'm here all night
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Randomize
