We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
