So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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