dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
