What a fucking waste of an outfit
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
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