Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
