At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize