Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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