She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Randomize
