I want to walk on stilts...naked
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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