i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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