It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
