Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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