did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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