hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
