I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics â¤ï¸
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
