I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
