Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
