i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
