Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Mom said you looked used
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Randomize
