yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
