If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
