I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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