Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
