am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
