It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
