i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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