Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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