Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
