she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize