why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
she looked like the before picture.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
