He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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