I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Mom said you looked used
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
