I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
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