Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I intend to get homeless drunk
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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