Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
