So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
FUCK WHALES
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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