your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
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