the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize