she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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