Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize