An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
