threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
