Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
