I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
