belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
