Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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