i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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