My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
