i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
